I
was raised Lutheran in northern Michigan. Dad was a drug using trucker/biker.
My brothers dreamed of being rock stars and lived accordingly. Mom always took
us to church. One of my earliest memories is of my mother sobbing after a
family fight. Even at that age I could recognize the source of her distress. I
promised that I would never hurt her the way the rest of my family did.
I
performed for everyone in order to separate myself from my brothers. Being the
best kid in Sunday school became unfulfilling around age 13. My heart wasn’t in
it. I was more interested in freedom and thought that I had found it in another
lifestyle. Keeping my childhood promise, I always stayed sober. What I didn’t
realize at the time was that women could inadvertently become my drug. It began
innocently. I didn’t think my mother had ever been hurt by my brother’s
girlfriends, just their substance abuse. It didn’t matter if my mother wasn’t
hurt because I ended up being the one who was hurt. Years later I realized that
I was revolving through cycles of heartbreak. The problem was that none of my
relationships were ever centered on anything. They were just a way for two lost
and blind people to improve an empty definition of love.
When
I was 19 I was going through a tough break up. Late one night I found myself
thinking back to the foundation my mother had built for me. Out of desperation,
I prayed. I agreed to remain single for the rest of my life if that were the
price I had to pay to be free of these heartbreaks. Soon after making my one-ended
business deal with God I was driving at night and saw a brilliant meteor
directly above the road. I instinctually started to make a wish and realized
that in the past I had always made very selfish wishes in regards to a
girlfriend. When this thought dawned on me it all became clear. God loved me
more than any woman ever could and He was trying to tell me! When I got home I
dusted off my Bible and began to read. It was the first time I had ever read it
straight through. It changed my life. But, for some reason, I wasn’t yet
convinced to change my lifestyle. I had read the whole Bible so I just figured
I had earned the title ‘Christian’. For a few years I was living the same
lifestyle as before, but I had this mentality of, ‘I’m a Christian now.’
Besides, living in a work town in Wyoming is a hard place for a new Christian.
Thankfully,
when I was 22, I was invited back to my home church to chaperone a youth group
mission trip. It was at that mission’s gathering that I first witnessed the
Holy Spirit move. A second mission trip spurred me to pursue a career in
ministry. I was living in Colorado and had worked many odd jobs which had
seriously frustrated me. I was ready to put my faith into action and work for something
real. Soon after making that decision I visited home and there was a magazine
with a summer camp article. That gave direction, so I started searching online
and sending applications. I was offered a camp job in Idaho.
I
loved the job and they loved me. I lived and worked with believers who were
close to my age. Fulfilling the book of Acts. Iron sharpening iron. Most
importantly, I was exposed to real Biblical truths that had never been revealed
to me in my traditional, old church. I realized that Jesus had paid the price
for me in order to cleanse me of my sins. This revelation set me on fire for
God and I was in the prime location for growth.
After
three seasons of ministering to youth, I was offered by a co-worker to join her
in a new ministry called Tree of Life. I didn’t believe that I qualified for
the job position, but I asked God about it and He revealed an answer in
Revelation 22:2. The passage exactly matched the description of this new
ministry. So at age 24 I moved to Oregon to further fulfill God’s call for me.
That brings us to today. Throughout my life the circumstances were often times
not in my favor. I can’t help but feel like God has had a literal sway on
situations big and small. And in case anyone is curious, God is evidently holding
true to His end of the deal I proposed at age 19.
The
most important thing I have learned in my closer walk with Thee is that God
desires to be in union with us. How can you die to your current self in order
to fully live in union with God?
"On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations." Revelation 22:2
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